Wednesday, May 27, 2009
moving on..
its possible that its happening..whether my subconcious wants it or not im not sure...i know for a fact that this month without u has been one of the toughest in my entire life...loss of sleep and not eating much for the first 2 weeks of my single-ness nearly killed me...i care not to explain why...i have found someone new i suppose...we're alot alike...shes not u...shes never gonna be u. i dont want her to be. she is herself and i like that. ive been able to sleep better and eat pretty much the same way i always have been, drinking soda and eating junk food alot with very little fruits and veggies. lol that really has to change if i want to lose my chunkyness...lawl i've sorta been on a hiatus from actually talking to anyone on the internet besides a few ppl for the past week...it feels good to spend some time away from all the drama and actually have fun. i also really really need to start talking to my irl friends more...my friend demarcus is coming back to milwaukee tomarrow im actually somewut excited to hangout with him even tho the last time we did hang out was kinda awkward...it should go better this time...im gonna try to get my stoner friend alex to hang with us too even tho all that nigga does is smoke weed, skateboard and play cod on ps3...fag lawl...oh and im also in debt...i should be out by the end of the week and should be able to have some money to save and i can get back on track to saving up for 789...wewt kbai
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you have no idea how hard this is....i broke up with you because all i do is cause you problems. even after we broke up all i did was casue you hell and you don't understand the pain and anguish and guilt that ate me up over it. i'm sorry, im so fucking sorry. it didnt mean i stopped loving you, it didnt mean i stopped caring it meant i had to make a choice and all i wanted was you to be happy. i'm sorry. you knew i would read this, you knew, and yet its like youre throwing it in my face that you moved on, you found someone else. how could you forget me and move on from me so easily after the things you said to me? i.dont.get.it. how could you blatanly disregaurd my feelings? this tore me apart. i know it means nothing to how you felt after i broke up with you and i'm sorry. i hope you find happiness, i do, but low blow. you will always love me? forever? if you jump i jump? what happened to that? what happened to this isnt over? i guess in a few weeks time you forgot all the things you said to me. i can see now that all it was, was a guiltless twisted lie and it kills me inside, it really does. i hope you can sleep at night knowning that you hurt me so badly and its obvious you dont care...i hope you can sleep at night not knowning how i feel. you will never hear or speak or look at me again and i hope you can live with that. goodbye...
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