ketchup.

so its been a while, about 4 months? mhm. so not too much has changed, i got my old job back, rachel came for the holidays, we got completely gone on new years, and im gettin a new cell phone pretty soon, all in all this year has been kinda shitty, i miss rachel alot, we dont talk too often cuz of all her hw and me working late. but i guess thats just how it goes, my life right now is like putting ur character on mw2 on 10 sensitivity and spinning in circles. cuz i have no idea what im doing. ive thought about plans. theyre getting kinda difficult cuz i just dont know what im doing. but i gotta keep my chin up. this will all be better in the end.

gonnnnnnne

no computer no phone theres a long story why i have neither of them for the time being, im gonna get a new cell soon and im gettin my old job back for moneyyyy, im about 40 dollars in debt which isnt that bad but still, i hate being in debt, and in about 3 weeks ill most likely be outta debt...so ive been with rachel for 2 months and goin on 3, shes about to turn 18 which is balla as hell annnnnnnnd she most likely will be comin to my house during the holidays, am so excited man! i played and beat odst in about a few hours, it was kinda cash, i miss the internet man, shits pretty boring but oh well i deal, xbox takes up most of my time...and im glad i got ray she helps me cope with all the bullshit thats surrounding my life...ill be back soon guise, love you guiiiiiiiiise <3333 total homo.

i dunno

i had the time of my life this past summer, i went to new york city, fell in love, met the most amazing girl ever, and i quit my job. why did i quit my job? cuz it sucks, but the worst part about quitting your job is, you dont have a fucking job afterwards :D. So almost 2 months have past since i quit that job, and im fearing unemployment mostly cuz my dad is forcing me to work with him >.>. so im left with 2 options: 1. go get my old job back and look for a new one while still earning money. 2. stay unemployed and work for my dad until i find a job, which could in fact take months. i cant waste any more time. i need a job now cuz i gotta go to college next year and get the fuck outta this house! so this decision sucks but it needs to be done, i gotta get my old job back. i need to see ray asap i miss her too damn much, i need money, i need to get my life on track and it sucks that i desperately need money to do that. I wish we did live in a perfect world, cuz in that perfect world i could see you whenever i wanted and would be happy all the time. ive been working on this poem kinda thing and it starts off like:

summer ended too soon we both know that
but we had the times of our lives, trekin cross the map.
i fell in love thats a fact.
i needed you in my life and it took 500$ just to achieve that.
now im not the most elegant with words
im not good with grammar or verbs
i slur and stutter alot of the time
but maybe this one time i can just be more aligned.
we aint perfect thats fer sure.
but as long as we got each other, everythings kosher.
a mix of emotions and few long nights
we had our share of relationship fights
thank god we still got each other
i dont think we could live without another
this isnt a proposal dont get me wrong
but i love you a lot, this aint long
enough to prove what i got
on the inside and out and right on this dot.

ohey

so i havent blogged in a while and plenty has changed....i went to nyc. met someone i never thought id fall for and guess what.. i fell in love with ray? yea rachel helene oakley. wow. yea its surreal still a lil bit. we had fun tho and im gonna visit her house in about 2 weeks. oh yea and i quit my job cuz i fucking hate it. oh and im not going to college this year. oh wellz lets home my life goes according to how i hope it goes. cuz i dont make plans. i make reservations in the sky dawg nahmean?

for beth.

i know it was u. it couldve only been one person. WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME. YOU TOLD ME TO MOVE ON, YOU HAD TO. WHAT DO I DO TELL ME. YOU DONT TALK TO ME. ITS BEEN A FUCKING MONTH. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW IF YOU WERE ALIVE ANYMORE, NOW U COME BACK AND DO THIS? I DONT UNDERSTAND YOU. I CANT UNDERSTAND YOU. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? YOU THINK ITS EASY SLEEPING AT NIGHT? I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN I WANTED TO DIE. I REALLY FUCKING DID. I COULDNT DO IT THOUGH CUZ I KNEW ONE DAY I MIGHT BE ABLE TO FUCKING SEE MY FUCKING LIFE THROUGH AND ACTUALLY SEE YOU AND LIVE MY FUCKING LIFE WITH YOU. BUT YOU ENDED IT RIGHT THERE. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME.

shit.

i have friends in my real life. not just my internet life. but my real friends dont even act like my friends. they dont call/text me to hang out and whenever i call or text them they either never reply or they just forget about me. i hate this. if someone would just invite me to do something or just to hang out and talk i wouldnt care. but since all my irl friends completely ignore me ive thought of just completely cutting them out of my life. just deleting my myspace/facebook, destroying all my old contacts. starting fresh. i hate that. i hate that i feel like shit everytime someone says they have fun cuz i never seem to have real fun anymore. fuck u milwaukee, you can suck my fucking balls.

moving on..

its possible that its happening..whether my subconcious wants it or not im not sure...i know for a fact that this month without u has been one of the toughest in my entire life...loss of sleep and not eating much for the first 2 weeks of my single-ness nearly killed me...i care not to explain why...i have found someone new i suppose...we're alot alike...shes not u...shes never gonna be u. i dont want her to be. she is herself and i like that. ive been able to sleep better and eat pretty much the same way i always have been, drinking soda and eating junk food alot with very little fruits and veggies. lol that really has to change if i want to lose my chunkyness...lawl i've sorta been on a hiatus from actually talking to anyone on the internet besides a few ppl for the past week...it feels good to spend some time away from all the drama and actually have fun. i also really really need to start talking to my irl friends more...my friend demarcus is coming back to milwaukee tomarrow im actually somewut excited to hangout with him even tho the last time we did hang out was kinda awkward...it should go better this time...im gonna try to get my stoner friend alex to hang with us too even tho all that nigga does is smoke weed, skateboard and play cod on ps3...fag lawl...oh and im also in debt...i should be out by the end of the week and should be able to have some money to save and i can get back on track to saving up for 789...wewt kbai